On Saturday I got to visit you for the first time in about 5 weeks. Life certainly happened and it was getting difficult to get to you, especially after you moved to rehab. Timing is everything since we want to see you but don’t want to interrupt your therapies.
I finally hammered a time out for Kristina and I to visit. We decided that on Saturday the 17th, we’d wake early, drive to your house and meet up with Scotty. That way we could ride with hubs (and not get lost) to visit you for the day!
I picked up Kristina at 8:30a and we made the hour drive north. This was the first time I had been to you house since the accident. It wasn’t easy. I had tons of stuff to drop off at your house for Baby A – there was no way around it.
I tried not to go in, it didn’t feel right without you there. Eventually my mini-bladder won the battle and I had to go in. Your house is just as you last left it. You cocoa butter is still in the bathroom and all your rubber duckies in the bowl on the sink. Your sofa is as ever comfy, as you like it….Scotty was still getting some things together so we had time to wait. I sat in the corner of your sofa, you know the side with the chaise on it….because for a second I felt SUPER close to you, you, you. Not hospital you. You, my person.
As soon as I sat down I felt a comfort come over me, every dream I have of you, you are fine, sitting up, hair short, holding that baby girl in your arms and smiling…but you are sitting in that corner. It felt okay when I sat there, that everything would work out for you. Life is going to be good again. Griffin felt the same way, he immediately jumped up in my lap and snuggled with me for a bit. He misses you dearly.
Scotty was still taking his time so I decided to go see Annmarie’s room. Annmarie was at Amy’s house since we were leaving for the day, so the room was empty. It hit me like a ton of bricks. That room is perfect, just like your baby girl. It’s bright pink and soft gray and everything is in it’s perfect little place. Waiting for you. I love the shelves you put up (that Scotty later informed me were spice racks from Ikea, great hack girl!).
It’s not fair. That the nursery is so perfect and you are so broken right now. Your mending at a perfect pace, but I know for you it’s not fast enough as your baby girl grows. It’s not fast enough for Scotty or myself, or Amy, Mark, Amanda, Adam, or Kristina either, but we will stand patiently by your side till this storm ends.
Scotty noticed that some water had come in downstairs so Kristina and I helped him move all the stuff out of the area behind the sofa and we took the rug outside to let it dry out, it was soaked. I kind of laughed because I can only imagine how pissed you would have been. That basement and water. What a nightmare it’s been. We took care of it though, you’ll be all good to go!
We hit the road, heading further north to see you. We drove through some shady parts of town, but we were looking mighty fly in your new car. You’ll love it, pending we ever let you in a car again….
…then we hit the campus of NRH, what a beautiful facility. I mean it’s a hospital but it’s not a shanty which is what I was expecting based on the description I got from your mom! It’s safe, and clean, and a perfect place for you to heal!
I was so thrilled to see you, even though you weren’t in rehab, I didn’t care I just wanted to see you. We visited for a bit and then let Scotty visit with you alone, while Kristina and I got some lunch.
When we came back up you were resting so we grabbed Scotty and headed to the courtyard to give you some good napping time. We hung out for a bit and then went back up, stopping to use the restroom on the way. Scotty went first and on his way out of the bathroom he locked the door from the inside, so no one else could get in. (He informed me on Sunday that someone unlocked the door, so that was good). We managed to find another rest room down the hall, so we quickly got back to your room.
You had just gotten fed, so you had tons of energy, I’m thinking you were a little dehydrated before because you were wide awake and ready for a visit this time. We asked you if you could stick your tongue out and you did it! Scotty was not as thrilled as Kristina and I because frankly, he saw you do some pretty awesome stuff in rehab. However, this is the first “command” that Kristina and I saw you follow, so I freaked out….
When then started asking you questions. Kristina was worried that we had been spelling “Kimmy” wrong since everyone that follows your page spells it “Kimmie”. I assured her that I know my person. That Kimberly ends with a “y” and so does Kimmy….she was not convinced, so she started telling you the story about how concerned she is.
She then asked you, do you spell Kimmy with an “ie”….? You SHOOK YOUR HEAD NO!
I immediately looked to Scotty for his reaction and he was stunned, he said you’ve NEVER shaken your head before. I started crying, you noticed me crying, and we all started crying together. We convinced you they were happy tears because we didn’t want you to worry and you calmed down.
So many things happened there 1) we now know that you can spell 2) I was right and so was Kristina 3) You shook your head for the first time and communicated with us 4) You showed emotion
I’m constantly so proud of you.
We then spent the rest of the afternoon asking you yes or no questions to the point where I’m sure you wanted to punch me in the face:
Are you home? No
Do you like tomatoes? You were unsure
Do you like the Dallas Cowboys? Unsure
Then we decided we should video this so your parents could see your progress….we turned on the iPad, but you didn’t want to participate. Scotty then turned it off and said: “Do you not want to be recorded?” and you shook your head no….you prankster! 🙂
It was time for us to go, always the saddest part of our visits…you looked upset and you shook your head no when we asked us if it was okay to go. I’m sorry you’re there alone, and that your far away, but this place is doing WONDERS for you. You’ll be home soon!
We all said our good-bye’s and you promised me you’d keep fighting…I’m holding you to it.
We left. We cried.
We ended our day at Amy’s house, she was nice enough to get us pizza, allow us to charge our phones for our ride home and more importantly let us snuggle that little girl of yours….she’s perfect.
Here’s a picture of me holding Annmarie Jacqueline for the first time! I’m so in love with her, my mini person.
Pardon the “I’ve been crying all day look” – cause I’d be crying all day, mostly happy tears, some guilty ones, but mostly happy.
Annmarie and I sat in the corner and snuggled on the glider – I was telling her stories about you. I also told her that I visited you and told her how awesome you were today and how hard you were fighting to get home to her…she seemed content. She knows you’re coming. We all do, and she loves you!
Keep fighting love!
We’ll see you soon, next time in rehab!