[Memory] Interior Decorating

I’ve always thought a lot about you, happy memories of you usually cross my mind several times a week, and not a day goes by when something doesn’t happen to me and I think “oh, gotta call Kim”.  Since February 11, 2014 – that has changed dramatically.  You are in every single thought I have.  If I’m doing something that makes me smile I want to tell you about it. If I’m doing something that makes me sad, I want to call you and talk through it with you.  Every baby, every child, every pregnant mom to be, and every mother makes me think of you. Everyday.  Lately, when I’ve been feeling sad, I’ve turned to photographs to help me remember “good times” – a few nights ago, I was rummaging through photo albums on my phone and came across your wedding.

Your wedding, the day you and Scotty made, what we already knew, official to the whole world (your love for each other) was a wonderful day for many reasons.  You were the first to get married out of all of our friends, it was such a special day.  I remember crying so hard before you walked down the aisle.  There was a moment during the procession, when all the other bridesmaids were gone, and it was just you and I for a few seconds.  We hugged and told each other how much we loved each other.  I knew in that moment that even though you were getting married and Scotty would be your number one, that you’d forever be my person, regardless of where you decided to live or whatever adventures crossed your path.  That moment will never leave me, I will always remember how immediately after that hug, my tears stopped.  I pulled myself together, happily, smiled, and walked down the aisle.  I saw Scotty and his face lit up because he knew after me, came you.  Everything he ever wanted, all his joy was apparent in his expression.  That moment was perfect.  I reached my spot in that Catholic church and I stopped and turned to face the audience, at that moment the doors closed, the music changed, everyone stopped and took a breath.  When those doors opened you were there with your daddy and a smile so big I couldn’t help but smile back.  You were so beautiful. Glowing.  Your dress fit you like a glove (all thanks to Mama G) and you strutted down the aisle.  I’ll never forget it.

Your wedding was beautiful.

There are always things that go wrong on a wedding day, most of yours was leading up to your wedding, the only thing I really remember was the fact that your unity candle wouldn’t stay lit (for some reason I kept noticing that one thing, and it made me really upset – how dare that candle, didn’t it know it was your wedding day, for Pete’s sake).

Your reception was perfect.  The two of you were announced in and so happy.  Scotty still looks at you today the way he looked at you that day.

Mr. & Mrs. Scott Hulick

Mr. & Mrs. Scott Hulick

Scotty danced with his mother, Anita, she was stunning in her iridescent gown….

Mother & Son Dance

Mother & Son Dance

We all watched with tears in our eyes as you and Scotty danced your first dance.

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First Dance

 

Amanda and Adam were so young and so small then. It’s hard to imagine how quickly they have grown.

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Nieces and Nephews

We all toasted that day to you and Scotty, true love, friendship, and soul mates.

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A toast to Kings and Queens

Then we hit the dance floor, for some serious party time….Adam was a monster on the dance floor that night, busting out some never before seen moves.

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Sheer raw talent

Your Alpha Delta Pi sisters gathered around you to sing to you and wish you well in your marriage, it was so sweet to see your family and all the ADPi lineage that you were apart of in your family.

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ADPi circle of love

DJ JJ kept us on the dance floor all night, and we even kept the party going longer than we had originally planned.  We danced well past midnight and then the trouble started! Your dad even got a dance in with my mother (a moment I will truly treasure)….

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Mamma G and Poppa!

It was such a fun night, Jersey (Mike) caught the garter and I caught your bouquet.  I still have that bouquet it sits in my guest room in a vase.  Every time I see it I think of you and smile, that was such a fun night.

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Bouquet and Garter

At some point during the night, Kristina and I, decided to play a cute little harmless prank on the newlyweds.  We managed to get your parents on board, which ended up not being too difficult, and we got a key to your honeymoon suite.

We couldn’t think of anything to do that wouldn’t end up costing you money due to room damages…so we decided to tamper with your stuff….! We took all the place cards we could, without seeming to obvious, and wrote messages all over them.  Some were nice, some where naughty and we hid them in the most random places….all throughout your luggage, in your bed sheets, in the bathroom, Jacuzzi, etc….pretty much anywhere we could.

We thought it was hilarious, it was the prank that kept on pranking…just when you thought you had found them all, you’d be in Florida and you’d take out a shirt to wear and BOOM, more bridesmaids knowledge. We laughed a good while about that one, you did too! It was more of a nuisance than an actual prank, but it sure was funny.  We even managed to pick up two people willing to help along the way.  Ultimately there were four of us involved (plus your parents) in the crime…here is our mugshot!

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Mugshot

Yes…we pranked you, but seriously, that was a perfect day and a perfect wedding that all led to a perfect union between two people. I remember being so utterly happy for you that day, everything was happy.  You got married, there were no signs of fertility issues or sick moms or dads, everyone was happy, everyone was healthy. Life was good and it was going to get great! I know we are still all waiting on the great part…but it’s coming…you’re almost there.  You became one step closer to your dream on this day…and one more step closer on March 25th 2014 when Annmarie was born…each day that passes is a day you get stronger.  Your one day closer to your dream, just keep fighting.

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I love you. You’ll always be my person.

Your Brother

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Your brother has put on a strong, funny face through all of this. He’s hiding his pain well, but we all know that he is having a hard time with this, probably harder than the rest of us.  His older sister, who has constantly been in his life since he was put on this earth, you, is in pain.  He can talk to you but you’re not quite answering (yet!) He misses your voice, he misses your wisdom, and guidance, he misses seeing your face when he tells you about his darling son Tucker, your little nephew that you are so proud of.

This is Ryan, A.K.A. Dr. Chex.

He helped shave your head to make you more “streamlined”.  He’s helped you with your Physical Therapy, Tried on your helmet and neck brace for you, and been one of the only people you reacted to for a while.  There is a special bond between a sister and a brother that is obvious between the two of you.  The biggest hug will be shared between the two of you, soon, very soon. I know you know how much he loves you and I know you know how much he cares and how much he is hurting with all of this….I know you’d change it sooner if you could, but in your own time you’ll come back to him, good as new.

 

Cozy Heads

wpid-IMG950702.jpgYou’ve gotten so many gifts, but this is a cozy little hat that was made by Aunt Megan! You have one too, your colors are reversed so you and Annmarie can go out and be precious little twins together!  I just wanted to make sure her hat got documented, she spent so much time on these (not really cause she’s fast) but it was a special gift, blog-worthy for sure.

 

 

Your legacy & You

 

wpid-IMG957734.jpgThis picture is hard for me.  This is the first time your little girl (all 4lbs of her) was placed in your arms.  The first time you held your daughter.  Scotty sent me this picture, I wasn’t able to be there for this moment, and this picture stopped me dead in my tracks.

Let me first say I’m thankful, I’m thankful for this moment, that the nurses and doctors understand how important it was for you to see your daughter. I’m thankful that your here that you didn’t die in that car accident that your beautiful daughter is here and that you are still with us and still have the chance to fight. I’m thankful that you love your daughter so much that even in a coma you protected her, even through tragedy you made sure she was going to be okay, you are the reason she got to this day. You are the reason she gets to be held.

But….

It’s not supposed to be this way, it’s not supposed to be heartache. It should be a joyous happy occasion where we all wait for you to have your girl, and see you hold her with love and happiness and a smile from ear to ear.  This is all you ever wanted – and even though she’s here, you’re not, it all got taken away from you. In a second.

We’re doing our best to document her days, so we can tell you all about how awesome your little girl is when you get out of this.  I know it’s not the same. I know you’ll be furious that everyone in the world saw her before you, that you weren’t here that you missed so much.  But you are here, and you’ll raise that little girl into a beautiful woman, just. like. you.

This was your moment, and it all got stripped away.

I’m not sure that you’ll even remember this moment or maybe subconsciously you are glowing with her in your arms.  None of us are sure, but we know that if things were different this would have been the happiest day of your life.  The only thing that means is your happiest day hasn’t come – so there is more in store for you, more happiness to come! It will come.

Till then, even though I despise this situation, I’ll treasure this moment, because at the end of the day, it’s still you, holding your baby girl and that’s all you ever wanted.

I love you. I love her. I believe.

 

Amanda’s Visit To See You & Baby A

Last Friday March 28th, Amanda and I came to visit you and Annmarie…

It was a Friday so we thought the best plan of a attack was to visit Annmarie upstairs in the NICU first – we figured she’d get a lot of attention after school let out and she only gets to have visitors two at a time, whereas we can have a party in your room! She so cute she was only three days old and she was already off her oxygen mask and being a fierce little champ. The only thing she had on was her little cannula for oxygen (you can’t build Rome in a day).

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I got to hang out with her a little bit and so did Amanda, Scotty tried so hard to get us on video, but we refused (I’ll tell you how I feel when you wake up, I believe, and I’ll have a lifetime to tell baby Annmarie).

Little AJH, so precious, so tiny, so perfectly perfect.  I’m so in love with her, mostly because she’s yours, but also because look how cute she is!

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If you put your ear up to her incubator you could hear her making the tiniest little squeaks, it was the cutest noise I’d ever heard, most babies that are three days into this world either scream or sleep – this was just pleasantly peaceful.  I kept listening to her incubator, like putting your ear against a shell to hear the ocean. Bliss.

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I tried to record her sounds, but it was hard to pick it up on my phone – it was that faint…

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Amanda got some photo time with Annmarie as well…we both wanted to make sure we had something special to take a picture with her.  Amanda used her believe bracelet, cause quite frankly, we believe in both of you!

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I used the last gift I got from you for a couple of reasons.  1) You gave it to me 2) It was the last gift I got from you 3) It’s an anchor that represents hope, stability, and strength and that’s what I believe you have.

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Quite frankly I think the little lady looks great in jewelry – I’ll start buying her some now! She’ll jingle like her mamma in no time!

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One more, because sheesh she’s cute!

We said goodbye to Baby A, AJ, Annie, Annmaire (not sure which one I like yet, but I’m thinking Annmarie, it’s classy) and headed downstairs to see you.  It was a nice change of pace to see you not in the ICU, you had been moved to a step down unit, baby steps in the right direction (you’re getting closer to the exit door!)

We were shocked when we walked into your room, mainly because you. weren’t. there.

Mary Ellen was sitting in your room reading, were were slightly confused. Apparently you had just been taken down for an MRI on your shoulder, they think it is still dislocated.  We waited a while and talked to Mary Ellen about your recent status, soon enough you came back.  More suprisingly you were rather awake considering they put you under for the MRI.  Amanda got to see those big, beautiful, kind eyes…and we both got to hold your hand and tell you stories.  You were rather drowsy so no commands, but that’s okay, you needed some rest.

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You had a great grip on Amanda’s hand, I think she was finally relieved to see you in person, and even more relieved that you wanted to hold her hand. You kept reaching out for her, I think you knew it was a new person that hadn’t been to see you yet.

I massaged your hands a bit with lotion and scratched your head a little.  Your hair is getting long and so, so thick.

We stayed for quite some time and as predicted the masses came. Someone even bought you a congratulations baby cake!

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You’re going to be such a fantastic mother, I wish I’d told you that more before the accident, but I’ll keep telling you now.  Your daughter though, she’ll be a handful, I can tell that even though she looks like Scotty she fights like you, you’ll definitely have your hands full.

I love you Kimmy girl and I can’t wait to till our next visit!

Tell Your Person

I miss you. I flat out miss you.  I want to tell you things and talk to you. I want to hear your voice and feel your hugs.  I want to explain to you that what you’re going through is exactly that something you’ll get through, not something that will stop you.  I want to see you hold your daughter and hear you tell Scotty how he’s doing it wrong.  I want to see your face when you get to dress Annmarie up in baby clothes. I want so many things, mainly, my person back.  You’ll be back, you just need time.  Until then I’ll talk to you through this blog (that way I won’t forget all the things I have to tell you) and when you’re back on your feet we’ll have lots to share! 

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I hate “Keep Calm” things – but this one was too fitting!